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I wondering why people always treating other people with sarcasm. Sometimes it is so obvious where no one like each other yet just going out as friends, and behind it, we keep talking about it. Why do humans have this kind of feelings like, I don't like him, but I would go out with him. But at the back, talk all cocks about it. Why can't we just sit down and discuss about our attitude and behaviour and not to dwell on so much things ?

I think I've changed. Not in that part thou. I became too realistic, too defensive and too cold. You know what people always say building defense towards stranger ? I think I'm building the defensive even to close friends. I think I really learn a lot, I sat down and think, and I realize that I'm being too emotional. As in emotional always wins my mind. I used to share a lot of personal things to people. Now, If it's too personal I think I will just keep it. My wall has been quite high. I think there's only 1 person that actually broke my wall, and I'm trying to build back my wall. I think I'm being too fragile at that part. I need to learn this. as I like to share things with people. I believe that friends should share with friends.

Sharing is caring, haven't we all heard about this. But today a friend told me one thing, If it's not good coming out from your mouth, just keep it to yourself. I really agree on what she said. I think sometimes I'm being too much, as in talk things without thinking people feelings, cause if I treat you as a close friends I will just say what I think or what I feel. I think some of my close friends knew this. But now things has changed :) I will just keep my mouth shut if things are bad. I think I'm tired of advising people, and yet no one advises me, except for my sms therapist where she's quite positive :) Like talking to her, cause she's mutual and she's very encouraging.

I don't like people who are not close to me ask me about my relationship. Is the last thing on earth I want to talk about. I would say is a thing where I'm trying to forget and treat her as a friend. That's why I keep on thinking about I'm just a friend to her, to make me feel better :) I don't mind to mentioned it here, coz since people who read my blog, is the person who is close to me. So yah. I think you guys know what happen. So I'm single, and I really really really don't want a relationship right now. It takes times to sink in. You guys should understand.

Yes, I do agree with a friend. I lost my direction. I lost the only person that is dear to me. But now I'm back with defense. Rocket missiles and a good armor. So if anyone tries to fuck with me. That's it, I will make their life as miserable as possible.

This is a rubbish post. I'm writing randomly on how I feel now. So don't take it personal. This might be the 2nd thing I will regret. But I doubt so, as it is my feelings which I'm writing down now. What I think and what I do might be diff. But at the end, actions tells everything. I'm not god. I have feelings too. So don't step on my sensitive issues.

I think that is for now. My eyes are too tired from crying again. And no !!! My eye bag swollen is not because I had not enough sleep. Is because I have been fucking crying since don't know when. So stop asking why I not enough sleep. Is fucking lazy to explain over and over again.

Good night and sorry If some of you read this that sinks in to your heart !!!!

Fuck my life, and I fuck yours too.